Dear Abby: I have been invol ...

Dear Abby:

I have been involved with "Christopher" for three years. Ourrelationship started out as an affair. Chris was married with twosmall children and lived two doors down from me. He ended up leavinghis wife and kids for me -- causing pain for everyone.

After the divorce, Chris was ordered to pay child support, alimonyand the family's mortgage. He stopped paying when his wife moved in alover. Soon after that she kicked him out and took up with a guy shemet on the Internet. The two children were neglected and finallytaken into state custody. (They have since been returned to her aftera year-long court battle.) The state would never allow Chris to takethe kids because of his prison history and alcoholism .

After three years, I still feel I can't trust Chris. He is not theworld's most responsible guy. For instance, instead of going to work,he may end up in a bar -- and not even call to let me know. I'malways scared and worrying about what he's doing and where he is.

On top of all this, Chris is facing more prison time. My headtells me he's not worth the trouble, but my heart won't let go of thehope he'll change. Maybe I should have walked away the first time helied, the first time he left me in the middle of the night to go outand do who-knows-what.

Should I wait until Chris goes to jail, then send him a Dear Johnletter and start over someplace else? Or should I get out now? If Ithreatened to leave him, he'd go nuts. Yet he feels okay about livinga reckless and selfish life. Abby, who really has the problem here --me or him?

Confused to the Maximum In Missouri

Interesting question. I'd say you both do. Your boyfriend can'ttoe the line, and you can't let go. From my perspective, Chris canoffer you no future. However, if you think he will "go nuts" if youindicate that you're leaving, it would be better if you wait untilthe state takes him away from you.

Dear Abby:

My ex-wife, "Jan," and I work for the same company. Before I filedfor divorce, I secretly began dating her co-worker, "Carol." Afterthe papers were filed, Jan moved out and, being upset, needed someoneto talk to. She chose Carol to confide in.

Carol, not wanting to expose that we were lovers, gave Jan asympathetic ear. At one point, Jan told Carol that she was her "bestfriend." Carol would sometimes call my wife to find out what herplans were on a particular night so our paths wouldn't cross if sheand I were out on a date. Jan unknowingly baby-sat for Carol'schildren so we could sneak out. Carol eventually broke up with me andwants to remain friends with Jan. Jan still does not know about ouraffair. This seems like the ultimate form of deceit. Should I tell myex-wife what really went on -- or keep my mouth shut?

Torn Between Two Ex-Lovers

Confession is good for the soul. By all means tell your ex thetruth. You'll be doing her a favor. She thinks Carol is her friendinstead of the opportunist she really is. A person who will betrayyou once will think nothing of doing it again. (You should know!)

Dear Abby:

I am 13. I read your column every day. My mom is bulimic, and nowI am fat because all she buys is junk food. Please give me someadvice in the newspaper, because Mom will be mad if she knows I wroteto you.

I am sick of the kids at school calling me names all the time. Iam sick of my mother calling me a fat pig when it is her fault that Ieat the wrong food and don't throw up afterward like she does.

There is no reason to live any more. Every day of my life ismiserable and I'd rather not be here. You are my last chance forhelp.

Fed Up in Fort Myers, Fla.

You need more help than anyone can give you in a letter. It's timeto talk to your teacher, your principal or a school nurse about whatyou have written me. Your mother has an eating disorder and may noteven realize that she is passing it along to you.

You need a healthy diet and an exercise program, and your motherneeds to understand that what's going on could be classified asneglect because children's eating habits are dictated by theirparents. Don't wait -- talk to someone now. Please let me hear fromyou again. I care.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as JeannePhillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write DearAbby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif.90069.

(c)2003, Universal Press Syndicate